Today I was going to write about The Blizzard of ’17, that dropped off a lovely 34 inches of snow where I live, but somehow- my inner “Spring is almost here” just doesn’t feel right about giving Mr.Fancy-Pants Winter and his prolific frosty friends any more attention…lest they decide to prolong their stay. And also because I rather dislike this season so I’m not much inspired to write about it. If I attempted to, it would most likely be very boring; Snow, snow,cold, freezing, blah, blah, blah.
(I’m sorry to all of you below-zero outdoorsy folk- you are a rugged group of go-getters, I know! And also-totally on a side note; YOU guys can get away with those wild, mountain man beards, because…well, duh, you ARE mountain men, but there seems to be a lot of hairy faces NOT attached to heads hiking the hills these days, and…well, it weirds me out, I’m just sayin) So- out with Blizzard talk, and in with:
5 Things you Should Never Do in the Spring
#1 Never assume that your blanket/rug chest has no mice/rodents/crawly things in it.
When you go diving into your chest to take everything out for a good airing, or to tackle the mending, it would be best to avoid a handshake…er, pawshake with the mouse that has been happily hibernating in the corner of your horses blanket that he shredded for that purpose. Avoid by SLOWLY removing the item, and watching for any movement, or the dratted seed husks these stinkers leave everywhere, not to mention the doody.
It’s awful to be caught by surprise, even if you aren’t exactly afraid of them…I have given a spontaneous dance show that was much appreciated by my barn mates when a little-furry made an unexpected appearance in my tack chest! Fun for them…not so much for me. (Or you! Unless you’re a good dancer… then maybe you could just break into a fox-trot and nobody would know you were actually freaking)
#2 Never be one of those people who go nutty on you to-
“save the horse hair for the birds!”
Now, I actually have no problem with the idea itself. It’s honestly just one of my pet peeves that EVERY spring, somebody is “that person” and ya know what? Maybe I’m just cranky today, but I get it; our feathered friends can benefit from what you would otherwise sweep up and toss, circle of life, yada-yada.
You can ask my mom- I LOVE birds, (except turkey’s and domestic geese. Oh yes- that’s a great story waiting to be told) I think it’s neat to discover a nest with horse hair woven through. Knowing that a part of your lovely horse can make a little baby bird all snug is not a bad thing, it’s just that repurposing that hair isn’t like, a new discovery… for crying out loud- we have PINTEREST, people!
Perhaps I should take this off the list? People like to share “clever” idea’s, & now I feel bad…
Nah. It’s going to stay- just in case you were about to tell a barn pal they could make a nice pillow with that shed rump hair.
#3 Never believe the myth that your horse has a “No-mud-zone.”
Ah, we head to the barn to enjoy the delightfully warmer, brighter days. The birds are singing (major score on some palomino hair) there’s a little pep in the step of everyone around as if the unspoken message; “Spring is here!” has energized one and all.
And then you look out into the paddock and the Sound-of-Music score screeches to a halt. Where your horse ought to be, there now stands what appears to be a…well, like whatever would happen if a hippopotamus and a really tall goat had a baby…
If you listen hard enough, you’ll hear the mud-monster groans being sung all around- and then you can jump on in with your bad soprano, because sometimes, even the best “spring-time happy” can’t hold up when faced with the challenge of de-mudding that hippo-goat thingie. And don’t even think for a second “I don’t have to check waaaay up underneath that thick mane, or in those tiny wrinkles behind his ear, because of course no mud will be there.” [sigh]….oh- there will be mud. Yes-siree there will be.
Because no horse comes with a “mud-free-zone.”
*tiny-tip-time: Might seem like a no-brainer- but sometimes we are in such a habit of grooming our horses where we always do, typically inside…that we forget that during major shedding, and de-mudding days, it’s great to be able to find a place outside to do that chore. Breathing is so much easier without the mud-dust coating the lungs…
#4 Never pester your barn mates to get riding…they may not have fully emerged from hibernation yet!
When winter’s grip is loosening, we really get the itch to rack up those saddle miles, but we all have that friend who seems to have a bit more time on their hands…and they are getting some serious saddle time in. You are happy for them, because if you had extra time kicking around, you know you’d be on your horse too. However, it’s difficult when you are constantly getting calls and texts asking when in the world you are going to show your face at the barn? “Your horse is going to forget what you look like! Ha.Ha.Ha.” First of all,
most many of us horsey people deal with the same “I didn’t get to work with my horse on[insert your unfulfilled goal] like I had planned” and then we feel guilty, and run some negative scenarios through our mind in which our horses’ well being has suffered, and ultimately we are thoroughly convinced that we are just bad, bad horse parents. This only makes the repeated remarks even more frustrating.
Secondly- when Person-who-has-more-time-to-ride is pestering us to spend more time riding…it just plain STINKS! Because of course we wish we could, but
LIFE never takes a little time-out so we can satisfy the need for steed.
Let me interject here, that it’s lovely to have pals who invite us along, & we would be sad if we didn’t have like-minded crazies to enjoy the journey with. Let’s just try to be sensitive to each others “Outside of the Barn Lives” and take a hint when we hear it.
#5 Never laugh when someone’s horse is feeling “spring-fresh,”
(at least not too loudly) because you know karma will be sending a
buck or two your way, sister.
We’ve all seen the gentle, reliable horse auditioning to play the part of a bull on a remake of 8 Seconds. His poor rider is completely oblivious to his horses’ acting aspirations, and ends up in the dirt. (Horse thinks he’s gonna be famous for sure)
Man! Sometimes the new, fresh season does some cuh-ray-zeee stuff to the brain! And one can’t deny that there is something to witnessing a “fail,” that just hits ya right in the funny bone, (as long as impromptu stunt-rider isn’t really hurt) but I’m just saying- because I care about you- be prepared, because this stuff has a way of “catching,” and before you know it, there is a rash of “unexpected dismounts” going on. Perhaps it’s Spring, or maybe it is karma, but whatever the reason…have your camera rolling, people! Omg- I’m so Joking!!! (mostly)
Hope you enjoyed my very serious and important list of
5 things You Should Never do in the Spring!
Please add on to the list if you think of anything else we should most certainly not be doing this spring!